I attended the University of Florida. I now teach for Ohio University. Though very different institutions, they share one trait.
Both are famous for their Halloween celebrations.
Epic ones.
The first Halloween I experienced as a Gator included an outdoor concert headlined by Wendy O. Williams. She performed topless with duct tape covering her nipples and ended the show by chainsawing a car.
The student costumes were just as memorable.
Four coeds dressed as giant alphabet blocks. When they spun around, the blocks formed different cuss words.
One guy came as a marijuana bush. He had several large pot plants attached to his body.
And a group of engineering students created a six-foot upright latex penis costume that inflated to eight feet when touched.
God bless higher education.
When you give college students time, booze, and drugs, their decision-making rarely improves. More university students are placed on probation—or expelled—because of Halloween than any other campus event.
Apparently universities frown on public performances involving drinking, urination, or exposure.
For parents of college students, the best way to deal with Halloween is simple.
Denial.
Ignore your child’s social media feeds.
Take an Ambien.
Wash it down with an adult beverage.
And pray there are no voicemail messages in the morning.
